An Open Discussion on Femininity

Bonnie McKelvie

Recently, I stumbled upon an article entitled "8 Traits of A Perfect Woman," by a male blogger.  Though the article was clearly a series of unattainable standards for women that were outlined to fulfill a male preference, what struck me most about the author's points was his conviction when he defined "femininity" as one of the key traits a woman should offer. And, may I remind you, no this article was not written in the nineteenth century. Initially, let me start by stating that this response contains opinions based on my own experience; I have no intention of generalizing or speaking for an entire group. To me, the problem with defining “feminine” as a characteristic a woman ought to have is that the archetypal woman’s version of femininity requires sacrificing many of the freedoms women have today. For example, complexities arise at the office or at school when a woman has to be strong or stand up for herself. Contrastingly, if the woman refrains from action in the deemed "masculine" way, she is thought of as weak, or unable to manage a high pressure environment. I like to refer to this paradox as the "witch or weakling absurdity."  Being a loud voice in the workplace is seen as masculine, however, this is quite frankly because women have been denied powerful voices until the recent decades. Even now, the male partner in most heterosexual marriages is regarded as the breadwinner for the family while his wife's role in the financial standing of the relationship is typically lesser or nonexistent.  With this stereotype in fixed position in modern America, difficulty conducting business in the workplace or in the classroom is understandable.  But what does it mean to be feminine while at work? Does the term mean the same as it did when women were bound exclusively to secretarial work? Can't the term womanly evolve with the people it describes? Perhaps a woman's voice today is seen as too loud because we as a society are unused to hearing it.

But even further, the problem with requiring femininity as a vital characteristic is that modern femininity is very loosely defined and often unnavigable today. For example, should a woman not wear pants because they are not stereotypically feminine? Should she choose to silence herself when she has the opportunity to voice a witty remark? Should she have financial independence? Should she be active and go to a gym? Travel on her own? Be an activist in her community? Should she pursue her dream of being a doctor, lawyer, or politician? Or should she deny the world her skill set simply because she is worried for her feminine image? Truly, the problem lies where a woman is in a sense dishonest because of her constant self-censorship in order to please her partner or satisfy a standard. If femininity truly means the quality of womanliness, then a woman inherently fits that simply by the act of identifying a woman. The most important qualities in a partner are honesty, comfort, and freedom; all of which can not be accessed if a woman is meant to subscribe to a dated definition of womanhood.